"The cat, you idiot!"

The Internet Cat Video Festival lived on after the Walker Art Center bundled it up in a burlap sack, weighed it down with rocks and threw it over the Stone Arch Bridge. This year it was hosted by myTalk 107.1. Thanks guys. I'm so glad the festival didn't die after four lives. I'm hoping for at least the proper nine. Besides, I told my husband that next year, we're getting VIP tickets so I don't have to eat the canned and congealed slop offered up from every vendor at CHS field. Even my cat Hana, who licks up pepper flakes like glorified fish scales, would turn up her whiskers at that crap. But that being said, the home of the St. Paul Saints is a pawsome place for the great Minnesota cat-together. This year, over 10,000 humans in cat t-shirts attended. Although, there must be a dog t-shirt in there somewhere.

The mostly local videos were good for some furry belly laughs. But my favorite, paws down, was the prank pulled by Cabot Phillips. He convinced his sister, who was still groggy form having her wisdom teeth pulled, that the world was on the verge of a zombie apocalypse. I remember her questioning him with an almost inaudible fat tongue, as to why he was putting gardening equipment in the back of their car if they needed to defend themselves against zombies. Ha! And then he told her, gulp, that she had to choose between the life of their cat or the life of their dog. Only one could survive! 

Millicent Phillips yells, "The cat, you idiot!" 

Purrfect YouTube fodder for a cat fest.

This is the photo I sent in for the pre-kitten bowl slide show. My thirsty cat Akua aired while we were choking down a mac and cheese hot dog. AAACCCCKKK. I'd prefer a hair ball.

Oh, and after every thing was meowed and done, fireworks lit up the night. 

Not too tabby for a cat fest. 

For whom the bell tolls...

Bell Rock. A vortex site.

"The ancient Greeks believed that when you read aloud, it was actually the dead, borrowing your tongue, in order to speak again"

Ruth L. Ozeki from A Tale For The Time Being

The world is rife with the unexplained. Do you remember the T.V. show Unsolved Mysteries? I loved it. Of course, there weren't many channels back then. Ha! Now, I have countless channels to choose from. But still, curiously, there are times when I can't find a darn thing to watch. These days, when I'm surfing and fail to catch a big wave like Homeland or The Affair, I almost always drift to the ripple Ancient Aliens. My husband laughs at me. But heck, I still love a good mystery. I'd rather be a curious nerd, interested in strange things like spirits (both kinds), aliens, the Bermuda triangle, big foot, sink holes, vortexes, and of course, the weirdest of all, Donald Trump. 

The mysterious energy of Sedona:

There are several energy centers, or vortexes of subtle energy, located in the Sedona area. (In Sedona, the energy centers are referred to as vortexes rather than vortices.)  The energy from these vortexes saturates the whole area in and around Sedona, and can be noticed in a subtle but general way anywhere around town.  If you actually go to one of the vortex sites, which is where the energy is strongest, it can be a very uplifting experience.  The energy you take in at one of these energy centers can stay with you and affect you positively for days afterwards.

John and Micki's Metaphysical Site

I didn't feel the earth moving at Bell Rock. One of the major vortex centers. I didn't really feel anything at all. But, when I sat on the smooth red stone, soaking in the sun's warmth and meditating, the tornado of energy I was conjuring seemed very real in my mind's eye. It seemed like an easy place to reflect and find peace. Upon my return home, I felt a renewed energy and an unexplained burst of creativity for my book project. Weird? Maybe. It's hard to say.

To complete the circle, just like the barbed wire that symbolizes my book, I also experienced something dark and profound in Sedona. What I'm about to tell you I experienced only in my dreams. Thank goodness. If you are easily scared, proceed with caution...

The first dream I had unsettled me. I was experiencing something so terrifying, that in my dream, I started levitating. The terror building, escalating, until my dream ended with a complete power outage. I woke up immediately. But this dream was nothing compared with what was to come...

The next night I watched this dream like a twisted horror movie. There was a whole cast of unlucky characters and thank God, I wasn't among them. I was just watching the most disturbing dream I've ever had in my life. Trapped in R.E.M. Unable to wake up. It was Armageddon. The world was crumbling before my eyes. Burning savagely. Total devastation. And the characters were slowly being consumed by a primordial ooze. The worst part of all, was that the ooze was us. It was humanity, melting into an ocean of bubbling flesh. And then the last person, trapped in their car, slipped beneath the surface and all was lost.

I woke up to the sound of a bell.

The next night I was afraid to got to sleep. 

P.S. I have a new book review over at Springtime in Magnolia You've read the humorous quotes, now read the book. A Tale For The Time Being

Superpowers!

"Oliver, will you please come get your cat and close the door on your way out?"
"That's his superpower," Oliver said, as he scooped him up. "He knows how to be annoying."

Ruth L. Ozeki from A Tale For The Time Being

What's your superpower? According to my dream last night, it's flying. I looked like Katy Perry in a wonder woman costume, flying around like a drunk barn swallow.

If I was lucky enough to have a real life super power, it probably wouldn't be flying. Although, I wouldn't turn it down. But I'd be somewhat afraid they'd send a hawk after me like the ones trained to take down drones. 

Here's my top 5 superpower list:

1) I would love to be able to telepathically communicate with my cats.  You are getting very sleepy Hana. You want to stay off the kitchen counter Hana. You never, ever want to chew on my hair again....Hana. And so on.

2) Ditto above. Except this time, insert my husband's name. You Want to give me an hour long massage every night Dean. You will always leave the remote in the middle of the sofa where we both can reach it Dean. You will actually listen and remember everything I just said Dean. And so on. 

3) Ditto above. Except this time, I'd use my telepathic power on a literary agent and publisher! 

4) I would love to be strong like the bionic woman Jamie Sommers. A.K.A. Lindsey Wagner. My hero.

5) But the bionic woman was my childhood hero. Now, it's Kalhesi, mother of dragons. Oh my God. Daenerys Targaryen is one bad ass mother, standing as still as stone, while her 8 ton adopted child lands behind her in a cloud of dust. She's a literary Goddess. And she literally flies around on dragons. She never complains like Oprah did, of her Va-j-j paining, as she bravely straddles Drogen's leathery skin, on an epic desert fly by.

But straddling dragons isn't her superpower. No. It's being fire proof. Otherwise, her dragons might accidentally incinerate her. If I was fire retardant, I would no longer need a fire extinguisher safely nestled by my bedside. Except to save my husband I suppose.

This is my promise to the world, if you crown me Kahlesi, mother of dragons. Drogen and possibly me, if I'm feeling adventurous, will only spray fire on a few terrorists. And then maybe squash them like a bug. 

Travel Log

I have a magic carpet that will take me anywhere. It's a diary of my travels and all that happened there...

I remember buying my Travel Log at a cute little gift shop on Lake Street in Minneapolis. It was the 1990's, I'd just met my future husband and the world seemed like it was just beginning for me. The log diary tickled my funny bone, with it's literal reference. And I already had a love of travel, deeply ingrained (Ha!) by my parents. The empty journal seemed full of possibilities. Where in the world would I go? 

The first entry happened in 1997. A humble trip to Florida to meet my future in-laws. I recorded that our favorite restaurant was Cafe Tu Tu Tango.  It's artist theme and delicious sangria hit the spot. Two years ago, for old times sake, we ate there again. Describing the themed restaurant on Orlando's restaurant row as mediocre, would be a compliment. Times and our well traveled palettes have changed. We lugged our Rollerblades all the way from Minnesota to South Beach that year and were filmed skating by a local film crew. For what purpose, I have no idea. A few years later, we started traveling to Hawaii. Those were exciting and exotic times. Eventually, I stopped recording our Florida trips altogether. But we still go there every year and learn how to have more fun with every  tenacious grey hair. The avian skies of Central America followed the islands and our up-coming trip to Nicaragua in 2017, will mark our 10th trip South of the border. There's nothing like traveling. And as it turns out, my journal is getting quite the work out. It's stuffed thick with memories. 

We pick a flower for each leg of the trip. This particular flower exceeded the size allowance. Just a tad. It was from our trip to Hayward, WI in 2004.

This is my favorite pasted photograph. We got married in Jamaica in 2000. I recorded that there were 5 other beach weddings on our special day. On a side note, the proposal was recorded in 1999. My husband spelled out will you marry me with sea shells, along the quiet shore of Lover's Key State Park in Florida. 

I thought it would be fun to pick the top 5 funniest/most embarrassing/worst entries...

1) Tommy Bahamas changed their bread recipe. Oh my God. The horror. I recorded this first world travesty back in 2003. In Florida. The infused bread and butter is to die for.

2) Touching Monkey poop in the pool. 2008 marked the year of the close encounter with monkey do do in Costa Rica.

3) A lot of humor happened in Belize.  We were snorkeling with our guide Patrick in 2011, when during a long lazy lunch he uttered, "I don't mind a mango falling on my head, but not a coconut" It's still a favorite travel quote. I also recorded an encounter with a few Amish gentlemen that year. They hitched a ride with us as we were leaving the Barton Creek Caves near San Ignacio. As we were driving, they pulled out their lunch pails and started eating. One Amish guy holds up his lunch and states, "Amish Pizza!" It was basically cornbread with a meat topping. We were tickled by their self awareness. Those dudes really did have a sense of humor. Because later, as we passed a friend of theirs driving a horse drawn wagon, one of them insinuated that his friend probably had a stash of pot hidden under the hay. Hmmm. Did he just clue us in to their illicit drug ring? And last but not least from that very same trip, I recorded that a woman passed out during our Iguana encounter. We toured an Iguana hatchery, and the guide attached several baby Iguanas to our t-shirts, just for fun. Dean and I loved it. But one woman was so scared she passed out cold! 

4) This one also falls in the funny first world problems category.  I recorded in our Panama 2016 entry, We also had to go for 6 out of 7 days with no pipas frias!  Coconut water is refreshing when you're at the beach. I will say that.

5) We have so many funny travel memories. And very few disasters, since all of the above could only be described as minor funny business. But since I'm only picking 5, here's the last but not least. In our 2009 Costa Rica trip I wrote, "We thought it was funny when we ordered imperials at the pizza place and the waitress just went to the store to buy them. I don't think beer was on the menu.

 She was smart too. She bought 4 bottles!

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The rest of the package...

Nao says...

I found myself looking down into the moss green eyes of a tiny white -and -black cat. He gave me a quick sideways glance, then turned his back and started doing that thing that cats do, winding himself through my legs, arching his spine and sticking his tail straight up in the air while extending his front paws, not toward me but away from me, offering me his butt to scratch as well as a nice view of his puckered asshole and his giant furry white balls. Basically, when a cat offers you his butt to scratch you have to do it and not mind the rest of the package.


 A Tale for the Time being by Ruth L. Ozeki


The character Nao from Ruth's book is not the only one to observe a few ifs, ands or cat butts. I asked my Mom once, "Why do cats have tails?" She replied,"To cover their butts!" Well, I think there is more to the story than that. Hmmm. What other services do tails provide?

1) They help cats achieve balance on kitchen counters, narrow book shelves, ceiling fans, fence posts, tree branches and curtain rods. Basically, wherever they're not supposed to be. 

2) They puff up like feather dusters to show fear, anger or surprise. This is my personal favorite.

3) They swing wildly to display fits of irritation or feisty spirited moods.

4) They swing and sway into your popcorn bowl, swipe across your peanut butter toast, test the temperature of soup or drop into anything you happen to be eating while watching T.V.  Because as soon as you start eating, suddenly, cats find your lap irresistible. 

5) They might, on rare occasions, cover their butts with a meek tail display. But, if you're a cat owner, you know that cats purr-fer to proudly raise their tail, sticking it sky high towards the heavens; their full moon beaming like a bright head light in your face. It's a cat thing.

As an artist, I paint it like I see it. Anything else would be a cat-tastrophy. 

Sedona

Cathedral Rock

I was so energized by our recent trip to Sedona, Arizona. The land of towering red rock vistas seemingly dissolving in front of your eyes. The rugged, iron tinged landscape was breathtaking. There was one caveat though, there weren't any fireworks plugged into the sky like a classic light bright toy on July 4th. But there was dazzling color. Lots of it. The red rock is a blaze of burnt orange, gold and chalky brown. And below the rock, vortexes sizzle with mysterious energy. The desert location is other worldly. Look close and you'll discover delicate blooms, scampering lizards and tiny thorns. Everything has an edge. It could hurt you...just like the barbed wire that symbolizes my story.

One of the central characters in my novel The Chorus of the Crows is named Sedona. And the location also plays a starring role. That's what led us there. And I made so many decisions that will affect my novel based on my experiences there. 

We explored the area thoroughly. It was hard, back breaking book research. But somebody had to climb it! Bell Rock, Fay Canyon and the inspirational Chapel of the Holy Cross all played a roll. The chapel is an architectural marvel built into the red rock. It was an important stop. 

Because a prayer couldn't hurt...

I sat in three separate places, visualizing my thoughts transferred to the page like a spiraling vortex. Then I visualized the vortex spinning into the hands of eager, happy readers. Multiplying, spreading and enchanting the minds like dominoes in motion. Will it help? It can't hurt!

Visit My 3rd Eye for a quick photographic tour of the best of Sedona.

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Old School

"A lot of the other lads peaked when they were 15.  You don't ever want to peak at 15."

James Corden

Poor me. Poor Mrs. Pigface. Mrs. Pigface (her true identity will hopefully remain a mystery) was one of my unfortunate teachers in high school. She had enormous bosoms and would rest her weary arms on them during class. I never liked Mrs. Pigface, but after telling my mother of her many transgressions in the barnyard, my mother offered up a simple explanation...Mrs. Pigface worked hard. She was tired and cranky. She heaved her bosoms out of bed every morning and milked the cows. All of this before heading to school, to teach the likes of me. And what was I doing in class? Well, you guessed it. Defamation drawings. This drawing tickled my friend Barb so much that she still goes hog wild about it. Well, at least she remembers it. I found it recently while scouring the basement for an old book. I found my childhood scrap book instead. And this oldie was cut into a heart shape and lovingly glued inside. Poor Mrs. Pigface. And poor me.

Alas, nobody tagged and defamed me all over any bathroom stalls, or stuck loser sticky notes on my butt, or made me sit with the lunch ladies during lunch. But, I was a loser. I certainly wasn't a high school hero. I think everyone respected my talent for drawing pigs, but still, they didn't want a clumsy art geek on their basketball team. I was teased relentlessly. And, I didn't get invited to any cool parties. Well, I don't think there really were any Risky Business style blowouts back in the day, but if there were, I wasn't invited. And I wouldn't have wanted to see any of my male classmates in their under pants playing air guitar anyway. 

I ran across the above quote from James Corden. It's so true. That quote defines me. I was a late bloomer. I'm nearing my sell by date right now. During our class reunions, I couldn't peel one of my male class mates off me with a lint roller. He was all over this loser like powdered sugar on a beignet. And I was only half baked then. Now, I'm perfectly browned. Now, I feel like a prom queen without a prom. 

But Mrs. Pigface wasn't the only defamation discovery, I found these poor dudes too. I guess sticking a hand down your pants was the ultimate insult back in the day. The funny thing is that all my drawings actually look like their human counterparts! Sorry Jim, Mark and Jessy. But, you really were meanies.