Be – Utah – Ful

All of you have seen my book’s cover, and if you’ve read the interior, the cover’s spiral of space toiletries may have come full circle, revealing the answer to the imagery. I hope the whimsical picture depicting toilet paper and panties made you laugh. I created it to be curiously eye-catching to potential readers. One reviewer said my cover was dazzling, and I’ve held onto those words like water in a desert of criticism. 

And speaking of deserts, the idea for The Levitation Game began in the red rock desert of Sedona, Arizona, and my new novel, Chorus of Crows, travels to Sedona, too. I’m writing to you from the desert of Moab, Utah. Moab is a magical place, filled with muffin-top canyons and spires awash in Martian colors and soaring, dripping, and dissolving rock patterns that defy gravity because some rocks titter on the brink of a needle-like precipice. Moab is a place of petrified fire. It’s also a place where Native American petroglyphs and pictographs depict energy spirals. When I think of energy spirals, I think of space portals and alien visitation. Vortices. There are more UFO sightings in Moab than anywhere else in the USA.

Those spirals inspired my cover, and if you scroll before you roll, you’ll see a photo collage to help you visualize my concept. I’ve seen energy spirals in Panama etched on humble rocks, and I’ve seen them on Mayan art, too. The petroglyphs of the southwest are especially intriguing because other human-like images actually look like aliens with weird, floating bodies and large bug-eyed heads. Some wear helmets. Did Native Americans interact with aliens? As they say on the History Channel’s Ancient Aliens program, “Some say yes.”

Creating my alien characters, Rigel, Dob-Dec, and Sula, was fun (They’re all named after stars, which shine bright over the dark skies of Moab), and I hope to revisit my aliens from planet Pleione to explain what happened to Dob’s parents someday. Hint: It involves the deserts of the Southwest. These days, desert travel is my muse. You must add Moab to your bucket list, and I hope you’ve added The Levitation Game to your want-to-read list!

You can read my article, Be Like Samwise and Frodo and Help a Writer Out at Orange Blossom Publishing. Click here. My book traveled to the Bologna Book Fair! Yay! See below.

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Knock-Knock. Who’s there? Leo Tolstoy. Leo Tolstoy, who? Nanna Karenina, your business.

Many aspects of book promotion smell like turpentine to me. Whenever I post on Facebook or Instagram and say, “Look at me!” I hate it. The fact that few people actually look makes it even worse. Thank goodness for everyone’s favorite behemoth called Amazon, where my book can look bright and shiny, and my job is like the mechanisms of a clock, hidden underneath but wound and moving. I can let the clock wind down and stop or put a few dollars and mental calculations into keywords for advertising. What would I do if Amazon only meant a river and a rainforest? I was surprised to read about how Mark Twain sold his books last month.

Back then, all of Mark Twain’s major books were issued by subscription and sold by salesmen door-to-door rather than as trade publications in bookstores. As an Indie author or any author, it can be hard to discover your masterpiece in a brick-and-mortar store. What would I do if I had to sell my novel door to door?

Knock, knock.

I wait several minutes, listening to feet scampering behind the bright blue door before me. Over the hedges of the house, an angry face peeks through the window pane, then vanishes. I hear garbled swearing, and then the front door opens.

Who’s there?

My stomach flip-flops, and my spine straightens. I try to imagine I’m Leonidas from the movie 300, except wearing a leather skirt and boob armor. I raise my book. “Would you like to buy my paranormal sci-fi book, The Levitation Game? It’s an entertaining book filled with romance, magic and adventure.”

“Does it come with Girl Scout cookies?”

“No, but I can sign it and throw in a bookmark.”

“Will you mow my lawn if I buy it?”

My hand falls to my side, and I turn away. “Thanks anyway,” I mumble to my feet, wondering if I should take the shortcut to the next house, like the mailman, or walk to the sidewalk.

Knock, knock.

I have big news this month. I’m a finalist in the 2023 Indies Book of the Year awards! Yay! Hooray! 

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Scared To Death

My novel The Levitation Game is a finalist in the 2023 Indies Book of the Year Awards! This literary news will nourish me for months.

I wish it were Halloween because I’m announcing Scared To Death, a Goosebumps-style anthology that includes my short story, Default 666. I’m proud to death of my short story and hope it will delight and disgust readers equally. :)

Vampires! Ghosts! Zombies! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!! Within the pages of this anthology lurk stories guaranteed to make the hair on the back of your neck stand up! From a cursed game that turns its players into monsters … a ghost cat on a quest for revenge … and killer snowmen on a rampage, these ten terrifying tales will have you sleeping with the lights on! Read these stories, if you dare! This book includes stories from the following contributors: R. Jeanie Burroughs ● Dawn Colclasure ● Marcus Damanda ●William F. Gray ● Michelle John ● Cyan LeBlanc ● Eric McMillion ●Caitlyn Pace ● Sharon Wagner ● Brandon Wills

Discover Scared To Death on Amazon!

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"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk." Ogden Nash

 

“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.” Abraham Lincoln

“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.” Valeriu Butulescu

A movie actress described her method for acting once. When a script arrives, she picks an animal with traits like her protagonist and imagines she’s that animal later in front of the camera. If someone made a movie of your life, what animal would you be?

I’ve often thought I'd be a crow if I were a bird because I wouldn’t want to be tasty like a chicken. I’m not a night person, so being an owl would be exhausting. Small birds are attractive to a raptor’s claws. Parrots have big brains, but their beauty makes them vulnerable to human kidnappers. So, I’d be a crow. A crow even stared in one of my favorite books, Hollow Kingdom.

But what animal would I be? I love the ocean, but I’m not social like a dolphin. And I wouldn’t want to be anything too small for fear I’d be eaten by predators. Tasty animals like cows are out of the question. Plus, since I have misophonia, I wouldn’t want all the other cows aggressively chewing cud near my big dumb head. Violent animals like tigers don’t resemble me, and I wouldn’t like to consume silty mangrove scraps like a manatee. I’d love to be smart like an octopus, but they prefer frighteningly cold water. My favorite animal is a cat, but I fear I’d be the feline that scratches guests and then runs into the basement to hide behind the dusty shoeboxes and other wares. I think I’d be an elephant now that I don’t have to worry about being abducted by the circus. They are big and not a typical food source for meat-eaters. They’ve been coached into painting canvas by weird humans, and I’m an artist. I could theoretically tap a typewriter with my long, flexible snout, so perhaps I could still be an author!

I have fun book news to report this month. The Levitation Game is en route to the Bologna Book Fair! My short story, Default 666, will be part of an anthology at PsychoToxin Press. I’ll keep you posted. And don’t forget to scroll before you roll. My guest post, On Travel Blogging, is published at Creator’s Roulette. See below. Look to your inbox on March 18 for my next newsletter!

“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.” Sir Winston Churchill

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Click to visit Creator's Roulette! Read about Central America through my lens, brush, and pen.

Five debut novels are perfect; five hundred thousand books fail inspection.

 

What if books were inspected for literary cleanliness and quality like restaurants? Perhaps all the hoopla about book banning has gone to my head. Or maybe I’m just feeling silly. For a complete list of book inspections, including violations not requiring warnings of missing pages or other administrative action, visit Goodreads. Here’s the breakdown for recent book inspections in Collier County, Florida, for January 1-6. Please note that some recent sequel inspections may not be included here.

So, how did my book score?

The Levitation Game

Follow-up inspection required: Violations require further review but are not an immediate threat to the public. Five total violations, with one high-priority violation

High-priority violation: The novel contains third-person and first-person narratives, confusing some readers. It also has multiple protagonists. See the debut author handbook indicating first-time authors should never write more than one voice. Period. (Yes, I know the word period is a sentence fragment; I’m simply inserting levity and being literal)

Basic violation: a violation against best practices occurred when the author signed with an indie press, ignoring the preferred choice of an agent or big-wig traditional publisher. The fact that the author didn’t have a choice is irrelevant.

Warning: The author must complete her next novel 365 days from the last inspection.

Administrative complaint: Legal action may be required if the author writes another sci-fi novel, as some readers think the author should stick to painting or eschewing words altogether.

Emergency Order: A 24-hour call-back inspection will be performed after an emergency closure of the book because of suspension of belief.

If you see any abuses of Amazon’s standards, report them to Jeff Bezos and the library immediately. Or call 1-800-911-joke.

The end. :)

Check out my latest author interview here! It's over at The Indie View. 

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