What if books were inspected for literary cleanliness and quality like restaurants? Perhaps all the hoopla about book banning has gone to my head. Or maybe I’m just feeling silly. For a complete list of book inspections, including violations not requiring warnings of missing pages or other administrative action, visit Goodreads. Here’s the breakdown for recent book inspections in Collier County, Florida, for January 1-6. Please note that some recent sequel inspections may not be included here.
So, how did my book score?
The Levitation Game
Follow-up inspection required: Violations require further review but are not an immediate threat to the public. Five total violations, with one high-priority violation
High-priority violation: The novel contains third-person and first-person narratives, confusing some readers. It also has multiple protagonists. See the debut author handbook indicating first-time authors should never write more than one voice. Period. (Yes, I know the word period is a sentence fragment; I’m simply inserting levity and being literal)
Basic violation: a violation against best practices occurred when the author signed with an indie press, ignoring the preferred choice of an agent or big-wig traditional publisher. The fact that the author didn’t have a choice is irrelevant.
Warning: The author must complete her next novel 365 days from the last inspection.
Administrative complaint: Legal action may be required if the author writes another sci-fi novel, as some readers think the author should stick to painting or eschewing words altogether.
Emergency Order: A 24-hour call-back inspection will be performed after an emergency closure of the book because of suspension of belief.
If you see any abuses of Amazon’s standards, report them to Jeff Bezos and the library immediately. Or call 1-800-911-joke.
The end. :)
Check out my latest author interview here! It's over at The Indie View.
Visit my author website to subscribe to my out-of-this-world newsletter at Sharon Wagner Books
