Poor me. Poor Mrs. Pigface. Mrs. Pigface (her true identity will hopefully remain a mystery) was one of my unfortunate teachers in high school. She had enormous bosoms and would rest her weary arms on them during class. I never liked Mrs. Pigface, but after telling my mother of her many transgressions in the barnyard, my mother offered up a simple explanation...Mrs. Pigface worked hard. She was tired and cranky. She heaved her bosoms out of bed every morning and milked the cows. All of this before heading to school, to teach the likes of me. And what was I doing in class? Well, you guessed it. Defamation drawings. This drawing tickled my friend Barb so much that she still goes hog wild about it. Well, at least she remembers it. I found it recently while scouring the basement for an old book. I found my childhood scrap book instead. And this oldie was cut into a heart shape and lovingly glued inside. Poor Mrs. Pigface. And poor me.
Alas, nobody tagged and defamed me all over any bathroom stalls, or stuck loser sticky notes on my butt, or made me sit with the lunch ladies during lunch. But, I was a loser. I certainly wasn't a high school hero. I think everyone respected my talent for drawing pigs, but still, they didn't want a clumsy art geek on their basketball team. I was teased relentlessly. And, I didn't get invited to any cool parties. Well, I don't think there really were any Risky Business style blowouts back in the day, but if there were, I wasn't invited. And I wouldn't have wanted to see any of my male classmates in their under pants playing air guitar anyway.
I ran across the above quote from James Corden. It's so true. That quote defines me. I was a late bloomer. I'm nearing my sell by date right now. During our class reunions, I couldn't peel one of my male class mates off me with a lint roller. He was all over this loser like powdered sugar on a beignet. And I was only half baked then. Now, I'm perfectly browned. Now, I feel like a prom queen without a prom.
But Mrs. Pigface wasn't the only defamation discovery, I found these poor dudes too. I guess sticking a hand down your pants was the ultimate insult back in the day. The funny thing is that all my drawings actually look like their human counterparts! Sorry Jim, Mark and Jessy. But, you really were meanies.