News of the Weird: November Newsletter

My author photos, website, and book cover ripened sufficiently, but there are still many deplorables found in my book publishing and marketing basket. The worst deplorable so far: gaining email subscribers for my newsletter. I’ve found the job akin to herding cats inside a David Lynch movie produced by persnickety sudoku enthusiasts. Why is it so hard?

I decided to seek advice from David Lynch, surreal filmmaker extraordinaire. (His film credits include Blue Velvet and Twin Peaks if you’re unfamiliar) Here’s what he had to say: 😊

“Sharon, if you take away nothing else from our imaginary zoom correspondence, remember, when in doubt, talk backward.”

 “esaelP, lliw uoy ebircsbus ot ym liame tsil?”

“Perfect. Here’s another tip: use an insane soundtrack to keep potential subscribers on edge, unstable.”

“I’m not sure if that will help me, but I can try Nirvana or Metallica,” I replied.

“Great. Sarah, that’s your name, right? People like mystery. Tell people they may be signing up for a Sears credit card or your email list, but they won’t know which one—keep it mysterious.”

“Okay, Mr. Lynch.”

“Here’s another gem: when you ask for new subscribers, make your questioning extremely difficult to follow. Keep potential subscribers on their toes. Make the tone weird, bizarre even. You know, switch it up. I like to use the word, discomforting, to describe my approach, and maybe this feeling can help you too. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, Mr. Lynch. I already feel slightly uncomfortable.”

“Good. Hey, Simone, I’ve got to go. I’m having lunch with an elephant and a coal miner. Goodbye.”

“This is going to be more difficult than I thought,” I whisper to no one in particular.

                                                                      ***

Now for some real-life November news. I finished my latest edit. Now, I wait. Meanwhile, I’m wearing a black pointy hat while working on my new novel, THE SAVANNAH BOOK OF SPELLS.

At some point, I must create the most compelling jacket copy for THE LEVITATION GAME to make my book intriguing enough to sell. Easy enough, right? Sigh. I have Minnesota author Peter Geye onboard for a blurb, and another Minnesota author, Joe Hart, has also agreed to give me a blurb. But only if he likes my story. Gulp. Fingers crossed! Check back for my next newsletter on December 19^th. Let the give-aways begin! But you can only win if your subscribe.

 

knahT uoy rof gnidaer!

Or in other words,

THANK YOU FOR READING!

I’m grateful for your attention.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Sharon

“I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.” —Jon Stewart.  

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Giveaways start next month!