“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.” Abraham Lincoln

“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.” Valeriu Butulescu

A movie actress described her method for acting once. When a script arrives, she picks an animal with traits like her protagonist and imagines she’s that animal later in front of the camera. If someone made a movie of your life, what animal would you be?

I’ve often thought I'd be a crow if I were a bird because I wouldn’t want to be tasty like a chicken. I’m not a night person, so being an owl would be exhausting. Small birds are attractive to a raptor’s claws. Parrots have big brains, but their beauty makes them vulnerable to human kidnappers. So, I’d be a crow. A crow even stared in one of my favorite books, Hollow Kingdom.

But what animal would I be? I love the ocean, but I’m not social like a dolphin. And I wouldn’t want to be anything too small for fear I’d be eaten by predators. Tasty animals like cows are out of the question. Plus, since I have misophonia, I wouldn’t want all the other cows aggressively chewing cud near my big dumb head. Violent animals like tigers don’t resemble me, and I wouldn’t like to consume silty mangrove scraps like a manatee. I’d love to be smart like an octopus, but they prefer frighteningly cold water. My favorite animal is a cat, but I fear I’d be the feline that scratches guests and then runs into the basement to hide behind the dusty shoeboxes and other wares. I think I’d be an elephant now that I don’t have to worry about being abducted by the circus. They are big and not a typical food source for meat-eaters. They’ve been coached into painting canvas by weird humans, and I’m an artist. I could theoretically tap a typewriter with my long, flexible snout, so perhaps I could still be an author!

I have fun book news to report this month. The Levitation Game is en route to the Bologna Book Fair! My short story, Default 666, will be part of an anthology at PsychoToxin Press. I’ll keep you posted. And don’t forget to scroll before you roll. My guest post, On Travel Blogging, is published at Creator’s Roulette. See below. Look to your inbox on March 18 for my next newsletter!

“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.” Sir Winston Churchill