Saturday, December 19, 2015

The Christmas Card

The Christmas card.

The holiday letter. Ho hum.

I was wondering what to write about in a post that clings to the calendar from December 19 - December 26th. Hmmm. Well, it's Christmas. Fa, la, la and holiday hoop-la. Everyone will put their smart phones down, and instead of posting a text, they will post a heart felt holiday letter and card. The old fashioned way. Right? Wrong. 

The infamous Christmas card is getting dropped faster than Santa's reindeer hitting severe sky turbulence. The poor deer's. I blame the government. And their scrooge stamps. Or, as the younger generation must think of them, useless, old fashioned and expensive adhesive paper. We used to have to offer up our DNA just to get one to stick. Now that the tech is tongueless, nobody uses them. I barely had a chance to savor the taste of tongueless technology before it was all over. I guess I'll have to settle for hot, buttered rum.

Have you seen the illustration on pinterest or facebook where Santa's reindeer have to go number two? Really bad. While they're on duty. They all have to poo. All at the same time! Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and of course Rudolph. All spew poo. Poor Santa. His suit will probably need to be dry cleaned. But the worst part of all is that all of our future gifts and Christmas cards end up looking like the inside of a sky shitter. It's hilarious. That might also explain the lack of cards this holiday season. They could still be drying out up in Alaska.  

That's why I attached my Holiday card in this post. It's cheaper, easier and much more sanitary. I really hate that the internet is faster than Santa. I miss the good old days. But at least I still have rum. Appleton, Flor de Cana, Siesta Key and good old Bacardi. 

Here's a Christmas funny I ran across on the internet...

OK. Here’s a Christmas Challenge: Name all 10 of Santa’s Reindeer. The answer is in the extended entry...
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (that’s 8)
Rudolph (9)
Olive the Reindeer. Don’t remember Olive? Of course you do, sing the song:  "…Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names, they never let poor Rudolph join in any Reindeer games.”

Posted by Gruntdoc

My fingers are crossed for some last minute sanitary snail mail. Merry Christmas fiction readers and writers!


Beatrice Euphemie said...

Merry Christmas - hope it is fun. Panama sounds like an amazing adventure. My poor card rack is rather bare this year, but I have been collecting vintage cards to fill it out. I haven't seen the reindeer doo on the internet - maybe it's a good thing, there is too much doo around anyway. Mostly of the 'bull' kind! *grin* Hope you share photos of your trip. - Karen

Linda Hensley said...

I have stamps and I have cards, but somehow none of them seemed to get into the postal stream. Oh well! I hope you have wonderful travels. I'll enjoy seeing it through your photos :)

DJan said...

I haven't done snail mail cards for ages. But I'm thinking about maybe an electronic pretty one, but it probably won't happen this year, since I'm feeling lazy. I can sure wish YOU and happy and productive year ahead, and say thanks for being one of my virtual friends! Marry Christmas if you do that sort of thing. :-)

..."E"... Beth Edwards said...

Olive, that is too funny. i don't believe i have never heard that one!! i will read that to the hubby too. Merry Christmas. thank you for the laughs!! ( :

Wandering Wren said...

I've had a lovely giggle - and poor old Olive! I've been away and so i've saved up all my Chrissy cards of which I too have noticed a dwindling number and tomorrow night will sit down with a mince pie and read and enjoy them all - except the "oh no's - we forgot to send the X's a Christmas card!
Happy Christmas!
Wren x

bettyl-NZ said...

Merry Christmas to you and yours!