Monday, August 1, 2016


"Oliver, will you please come get your cat and close the door on your way out?"
"That's his superpower," Oliver said, as he scooped him up. "He knows how to be annoying."

Ruth L. Ozeki from A Tale For The Time Being

What's your superpower? According to my dream last night, it's flying. I looked like Katy Perry in a wonder woman costume, flying around like a drunk barn swallow.

If I was lucky enough to have a real life super power, it probably wouldn't be flying. Although, I wouldn't turn it down. But I'd be somewhat afraid they'd send a hawk after me like the ones trained to take down drones. 

Here's my top 5 superpower list:

1) I would love to be able to telepathically communicate with my cats.  You are getting very sleepy Hana. You want to stay off the kitchen counter Hana. You never, ever want to chew on my hair again....Hana. And so on.

2) Ditto above. Except this time, insert my husband's name. You Want to give me an hour long massage every night Dean. You will always leave the remote in the middle of the sofa where we both can reach it Dean. You will actually listen and remember everything I just said Dean. And so on. 

3) Ditto above. Except this time, I'd use my telepathic power on a literary agent and publisher! 

4) I would love to be strong like the bionic woman Jamie Sommers. A.K.A. Lindsey Wagner. My hero.

5) But the bionic woman was my childhood hero. Now, it's Kalhesi, mother of dragons. Oh my God. Daenerys Targaryen is one bad ass mother, standing as still as stone, while her 8 ton adopted child lands behind her in a cloud of dust. She's a literary Goddess. And she literally flies around on dragons. She never complains like Oprah did, of her Va-j-j paining, as she bravely straddles Drogen's leathery skin, on an epic desert fly by.

But straddling dragons isn't her superpower. No. It's being fire proof. Otherwise, her dragons might accidentally incinerate her. If I was fire retardant, I would no longer need a fire extinguisher safely nestled by my bedside. Except to save my husband I suppose.

This is my promise to the world, if you crown me Kahlesi, mother of dragons. Drogen and possibly me, if I'm feeling adventurous, will only spray fire on a few terrorists. And then maybe squash them like a bug. 


Latane Barton said...

I never thought about being a superpower, Sharon. But, I'd like to be SUPER.... Mom, woman, writer, artist, cook... oh, you get the picture. I piddle in so much but never am super in anything!!

DJan said...

I was thinking mine would be flying, too, but after reading what you've said here, I too think I'd like to have telepathic powers. WAY more fun. :-)

Linda Hensley said...

I talk to my dog telepathically all the time, so I've already got that. Maybe you should just switch to dogs who listen better than cats?